80 year-old Bristol man shaving hair and beard off in support of wife with dementia
A Bristol man who decided to ‘grow old disgracefully’ by cultivating his hair and beard freely has decided to give himself a drastic spruce up on his 80th birthday.
79-year-old Barrie Nash from Bitton in Bristol is shaving off his locks and bristles to raise money for Alzheimer’s Society following his wife’s diagnosis and journey with dementia.
Barrie’s family is welcoming people who live nearby to pop round to their house to watch the transformation and help boost his fundraising which stands at £590 for charity. Barrie is hopeful his birthday trim will help generate vital funds to support the 4,730 people living with dementia in Bristol which now includes his wife, Carol.
Barrie and Carol’s daughter Debbie says her 79-year-old mum was diagnosed about five years ago following some unusual behavior.
“There were several déjà vu moments when we were watching TV on a Saturday evening. Strictly Come Dancing was being broadcast and Mum would say she’d seen the programme before and the same happened with live football. This got so bad that Dad stopped watching the TV otherwise Mum would leave the living room. She would also get frustrated when she couldn’t remember things, make memories or dream and when we tried to explain she was ill, she became very anxious.”
Carol worked in a bank and various offices as well a large hardware store which she loved and had lots of hobbies. Debbie said, “She loved to sing and still has a lovely voice- if you sing her a few lines of a song she carries it on. Sadly, this horrid disease has wiped out at least 40 years of Mum’s memory and continues to creep across her brain like an unrelenting fog.
“After numerous falls, a hospital bed was delivered and Mum has pretty much been bed ridden ever since. She watches TV, which is bizarre as that’s the first thing she started to find difficult, and she eats far too much sweet stuff but it keeps her going and happy.”
Debbie, who lives in Edinburgh but works for a paraplanning company based in Sidmouth, phones her dad, Barrie, every day. He was a trained patisserie chef and had a career with Parkers Bakery in Bristol before taking early retirement due to knee problems. Now he’s looking forward to his fundraising haircut and excited about the amount of support his has backing his idea.
“I would describe Dad as eccentric. He decided to grow a ponytail and wear bright colours just like Billy Connolly. Before Mum got ill, the two of them were members of various fuchsia societies- Dad would grow them in a huge greenhouse in the back garden and Mum would dress them for shows and give speeches. Between them they won awards which included ‘Bitton in Bloom’ for their front garden three times. Dad won it last year- I think his gardening has kept him grounded but now he sits with Mum more to talk about old times and sing together.”
Barrie was also part of the Avon Valley Railway Club where he was Father Christmas on the Santa trains and Carol used to help out in the café. They shared a fondness for animals and kept bunny rabbits in the house.
The two of them met while working at Caroline’s Cake Shop in Bristol and were married in 1961 at Quakers Friars in the city while Debbie was “on the way”. Debbie and her younger brothers, Derek and Ian, are two years apart and when much younger went on family boating holidays to the Norfolk Broads.
Debbie’s brother, Ian, married Allison in the same area of Bristol 55 years later and Debbie said, “Mum gave a bizarre speech at the wedding and it was then I knew something wasn’t quite right. Dad said one day “we’re buying a motorhome” and the two of them went off on trips to Bournemouth and Wales. This was about three years before Mum’s diagnosis.
“She spent a lot of time with her granddaughter, Bella, when she was little. We think the dementia didn’t take hold until Bella went to nursery and Mum didn’t have her in her universe as much as she was used to.
“To me, Mum seemed to be the one who looked after the family finances- she dealt with the money, sorted out the mortgage and anything the house needed.
We were never aware of anyone in our family having dementia but noticed unusual behaviour in Mum’s mum. There didn’t appear to be much knowledge about mental health in the 60s & 70s but looking back in hindsight, Nanny may have had the condition too.”
Over time, Carol became easily confused and Debbie remembers more déjà vu moments when she would say she’d been somewhere only the week before but in fact hadn’t been there for years.
Debbie said, “Mum then realised that something wasn’t right and asked Dad to take her to see her doctor, which is when the tests began. Luckily we didn’t need to try and coax her to see her doctor which I know other people find themselves having to do.
When Mum eventually did receive the news from her doctor, she phoned me up and in a really lighthearted breezy way told me she had dementia. That was the only time she ever mentioned her condition but when trying to explain to Mum that she had dementia, Ian was told by Mum firmly that she wasn’t ill.”
The birthday trim and shave will take place on Monday 16 January at Barrie and Carol’s home in Bitton and more information can be found online Barrie’s ‘Growing old Disgracefully’ beard and hair cut for Alzheimer’s. (givewheel.com).
Alzheimer’s Society’s Community Fundraiser Zena Jones said, “We are very grateful to Barrie for raising over £590 for charity. Every single donation makes a difference, whether it’s life-changing support, ground-breaking research or creating societal change to improve the lives of people affected by dementia, now and in the future.
“Nobody should have to face dementia alone but too many people are left without the support they need and deserve. Thanks to Alzheimer’s Society supporters, like Barrie, we can be there for people affected by dementia, helping them through the hardest and most frightening times.”
Recently Debbie has been reading ‘The Imperfect Art of Caring’ by Jessica Ryn and says the book talks about not taking control of the person you’re looking after:
“When I used to ask Mum a question, I would encourage her to answer rather than her turning to Dad for help – it was like I was trying to fight back the fog. Mum’s dementia is now at the stage where I can’t do that anymore. I believe if somebody else answers instead of the person with dementia, it isn’t helping, just like always checking the internet when I can’t remember something – you rely on a computer and not your own brain.”
If you are affected by dementia, call Alzheimer’s Society’s support line: 0333 150 3456 for help and advice or visit alzheimers.org.uk
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